people burning
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| #COOKIEMONSTER | #CLOTHES | #NOTCOOL | #GPOY |
Posts tagged NOTCOOL.
Detroit loses a staggering 25% of its population in a decade
Is this even a surprise?
No. No it is not.
Most people who know me know that Detroit owes me thousands of dollars in stolen music equipment and for being generally the worst city I have ever visited the multiple ill-advised times I have gone back.
The thing about this article, and the video news clip that goes with it, is that the city councilman thinks that the population number is too low. At the very end of the clip he says “There’s also another issue of the prison population. We know there are thousands of Detroiters who will return to Detroit that have not been counted.”
…
You’re really struggling when you’re relying on the people who drove 25% of your population away to repopulate the city.
I think this movie sequel isn’t too far off…
(in bad stand up comic voice) So have you seen this? Have you heard about this?
So you know the guy, Vince, from the amazing ShamWow and SlapChop (and don’t forget the Graty!!!) commercials? Well he thought it would be a great idea to pick up a hooker in Miami and pay her $1,000 for sex. The amazing catch is that when he kissed her, she bit down on his tongue and wouldn’t let go. Of course the cake of bad decisions needed icing, so in response Vince REPEATEDLY PUNCHED HER IN THE FACE!
C’mon Vince!!! You’re the ShamWow guy!!! There should be no reason that you have to pay for sex. Instead of shelling out a grand for some treadless tire tail, just turn on your salesman charm and land a lady with one of your great lines from your commercials!
Here is a list of one liners that I am sure would make any lady need a ShamWow in their underroos. Some of these are lines straight up stolen from his commercials. Reference the links above if you need any proof!
- I’m just like the ShamWow, I’ll work twice as hard for you.
- If I can do it with one finger, you can do it with your whole hand.
- You love salad, you hate making it, I love tossing it.
- You’re gonna love my nuts.
- Tacos, fetticini, linguini, martini, bikini… do me.
- I work wet or dry, but you’ll work best wet.
- You know what else pops open like a butterfly? *wink*
- Your mouth and the ShamWow: they both work like vaccuums.
- Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life, take me home with you.
- AND OF COURSE: YOU’LL BE SAYING WOW EVERY TIME!!!
