and stuff like that...

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Let me introduce to you a new series at the And Stuff Like That… Blog entitled The Finer Things In Life.  If by the title you expect me to write about caviar and gold toilets, then you don’t know me very well.  No, the finer things in life are really the small things that one may overlook, but should really appreciate more.

So after this small introduction, let me delve head first into one of life’s little pleasures that all of us should take advantage of:

DRINKING A BEER IN THE SHOWER

Did you know that a main ingredient in beer is water?  So why would it be a bad idea for you to drink one while being drenched in one of its main ingredients?

It isn’t. It’s awesome.

Drinking a beer in the shower is one of the ways JJ Abrams makes so much money.  He combines cleanliness with drunkenness which allows for all his time post-cleanse spent drunkenly dreaming up ridiculous ideas like Fringe (I mean honestly, have you ever seen that show?!? It had to be a Spaten Optimator induced idea).

Our society is at a high-speed pace these days, so we must get drunk as we get ready to go out (to get drunk).

Some simple suggestions to enjoying a delightful shower beer (not beer shower, that’s a totally different thing):

• Use a can. Let’s face it, accidents happen, bottles and bare feet do not mix.
• Utilize a ledge. I have two possible mantles for beer support in my shower, do you?
• Keep it light. No need to mixing hot water and Guinness, go for a lager.
• Don’t waste it! If you haven’t finished a beer by the time you finished washing yourself, you’re doing it wrong (and I question your washing yourself abilities).
• Only one substitute allowed: bottled liquor. That’s a whole new level/evening.

So go ahead America! Turn on the hot water, step into a foggy mist of warmth, and crack open a cold one.  You’ll be glad you did.

I rarely drink soda.  Hell, I barely drink any caffeine at all considering that I can’t even remember the last time I had an actual cup of coffee (iced chai doesn’t count).  Yet there is one thing that I am convinced that I have to try:

Pepsi Throwback: Apparently this stuff is made with natural sugar instead of HFCS (High Fructose Corn Syrup), which I bet is a whole lot of tasty.  Certain countries even have regulations in place that limit HFCS and to get stuff like this you had to import it (in Mexico it’s called Pepsi Retro).

Here’s the deal: I CAN’T FUCKING FIND IT!!!

There are commercials for it and when I “researched” (by researched I mean Googled and clicked around a couple of times) the product it was supposed to drop mid-April.  I have seriously been a few different places and even asked a grocery store worker if they knew anything about it, but to no avail.

Why is it when I want soda like I can’t find it?  This is actually a recurring problem with other beverages.

Cream Soda: You would think that this would be no problem, right?  Wrong.  For me to find a bottle of Cream Soda in a regular 7-11 or something is near impossible.  This raises a very big problem in the realm of putting together an AP&E favorite cocktail, Beam&Cream.  Enough with the diet Root Beer!  Give me some Cream Soda!

Vanilla Coke: Remember when this stuff coming out was a huge deal?  So why is it gone?  We got Coke with Lime/Lemon but the Vanilla option is nowhere to be found.  This is obviously the best when it’s made like Frisch’s Big Boy does it, but I rarely find myself in Ohio so please, bring it back to its previous prominence.

This is why being on tour and filling up at truck stops rules.  They have a ginormous selection of everything you want and stuff you’ve never even heard of.  Just always go by the truck stop rule: One familiar, one new.  That way you’ll always have a fallback if something ends up disappointing.

This is the Road Gospel of the Melby.
Amen.